Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
