You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
