I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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