Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
