look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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