So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
