He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
