I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
