I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
