Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
