I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize