Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
