I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sorry about my life...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize