god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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