So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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