Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize