I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
