At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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