Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
