I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
