Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
