i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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