Jerry, you need to find god
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
