Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize