do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
