I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
