I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
