Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
