Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
