So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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