you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
