farters have to be the big spoon...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
