Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
