sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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