Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
