I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
