I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize