Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
