As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
