He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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