He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
