Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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