??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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