Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Banned from zoo.
Again?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
