Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
