I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
