Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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