i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize