we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
