It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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