Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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