The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
