You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
