eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
