just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
