Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
