she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
