ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
COCAINE IS GR8
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
