TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
