Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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