Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
