You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
