Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
