His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
