my phone needs a breathalizer
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
