we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
