dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
