I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
