M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
