i already hear my dad disowning me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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